I will not be making many adoption updates until this blog is private/protected for the sake of confidentiality. I thought that I would take a moment though and talk about adoption and what I have gone through personally through this process.
We decided to to pursue an adoption after much prayer and discussion. It is something we have felt on our hearts for years, and now seems to be the right time for us to do it!
We signed up with a wonderful agency, and have begun our home study process.
We started our (40 hours of) adoption education.
As we started the education, it became even more clear that we are looking into adopting children with deep seated struggles. Children who have faced tragedy, loss, sorrow, and have learned some inappropriate behaviors and attitudes in the name of self preservation. In short, we are adopting someone exactly like I was. As I listen to the stories, I see myself. As I hear how an adopted child might feel, I can relate all too well. As I listen to some of the situation that some of these children have come out of...well, I know it all too well. The uncertainty that they describe, the need to care for and protect younger siblings, the need to horde food, the need for them to find ways to express themselves that do not injure themselves or others...
I went through the first 4 1/2 hours of the training, and felt optimistic. I felt empowered on some of the ways they offered to deal with some of the issues that parents might face. I felt that some of it was a bit off...like not allowing an oldest of a sibling group to have any 'responsibility for younger siblings' (for me, to take this away is stripping them of their identity...who they are, and while you have to curb the excess of this, it needs to be done gently).
Then I listened to the last of the free online seminars...A panel of 4 parents (2 moms, and 2 dads, each from a different family), describe their experience of adopting an older child and how some of these issues have played out in their families, I had a moment of fear...no, terror. I felt a knot form deep within me. I asked Christopher to watch the same training seminar that I had seen.
I prayed about it. We talked about it. We processed it. Ultimately, we decided that we are making the same commitment to a child (or children), that God made to us. To take us as we are and help us to be molded and shaped into the image of His Son. To take us in our filth, our sin, our depravity, and bring us to a place of being a beloved child. We are making a life long commitment to love a sibling group when it may not be easy, when it may not go smoothly, when it may challenge us in ways that we cannot even fathom or imagine...but through Christ, we will take it one step at a time.
I now feel like my feet have been firmly planted, and that I am ready to begin this journey, right now, today, as a serious prayer warrior for both our biological children and the adopted children that God has for us. May God be glorified as we proceed in this endeavor with His guidance.